Series: Longing and Belonging - Loneliness 2/3

Loneliness in a Hyperconnected World

Part 2 of 3: Understanding the Emotional and Physical Impact of Disconnection

In the last post, we talked about a longing many people feel, sometimes for a time they never even lived through. A pull toward a slower, softer, more connected way of being. What we’re really craving, deep down, is belonging, real, embodied connection in a world that’s become increasingly digitized, fast-paced, and isolating.

But what happens when that longing doesn’t go away?
What happens when we stay disconnected?

This post explores the psychology and physiology of loneliness, not just what it feels like emotionally, but what it does to us.

Loneliness Isn’t Just in Your Head

You can feel lonely in a crowded subway, in a group text, or at a dinner table.
You can feel lonely while lying next to someone you love.

Kirwan et al., 2025 found that in the research literature, loneliness is generally considered (as per Perlman and Peplau’s (1981) widely used definition): the unpleasant experience of unsatisfactory quality of social relationships. Loneliness isn’t about being alone, it’s about feeling unseen, unvalued, or disconnected, even in the presence of others.

This distinction matters. Because the pain of loneliness isn’t imaginary, it’s deeply felt in the body.

The Biology of Disconnection

Our brains evolved in small, tightly bonded social groups. For thousands of years, our survival depended on closeness, being attuned to others, supported by others, and known by others. When we feel separated or excluded, the brain interprets that disconnection as a threat.

And the body responds accordingly. Evolutionarily speaking, this ache may motivate us to seek connection.

As explored by social neuroscience researchers Hawkley & Cacioppo (2010), perceived social isolation - the feeling of being disconnected, can impact us in profound ways across the lifespan. It’s linked to:

Poor sleep quality
Mental health risks, e.g. increased levels of depression and anxiety
Impaired executive function
Accelerated cognitive decline
Inflammation
Cardiovascular health risks

Loneliness is a universal experience felt by most, if not all, humans at one point or another, but if it becomes chronic, the stress of this increases health and well-being risks in the same ways as smoking or sedentariness (Novotney, 2020). In other words, chronic disconnection can literally make us sick.

The Pain Loop of Loneliness

Loneliness also affects how we see the world.

Neuroscientific research shows that prolonged isolation can make us more sensitive to rejection cues. The brain’s threat center, especially the amygdala, goes on higher alert. We might begin interpreting neutral social cues (like a delayed text or a quiet room) as signs of rejection or hostility.

This becomes a painful paradox:

The more disconnected we feel, the harder it becomes to connect.

We retreat further, not because we don’t care, but because it feels too risky to reach.

You’re Not Broken, You’re Human

If you feel lonely, it doesn’t mean you’re flawed, needy, or behind.
It means your body is asking for what it’s always needed: connection.

If your life lacks meaningful interaction, shared rituals, emotional safety, or community spaces where you feel a sense of connection, belonging, and value, it may be time to explore ways to intentionally seek these out and deepen intimacy.
And maybe that yearning to add in some relatively tech-free connection is speaking something to you.

Maybe the experiment you choose for yourself is in-person, real-time relational presence.

The good news is that the same nervous system that alerts you to disconnection is also wired for repair, for co-regulation, and for re-engagement.

Coming Up Next: How to Start Reconnecting (Even If It Feels Awkward)

In the next and final post in this series, we’ll look at how to begin creating real-world connection again, without needing a huge social circle, perfect confidence, or extrovert energy.

You don’t have to be good at socializing to be worthy of connection.
You just have to keep showing up, with curiosity, honesty, and a little courage.

Next in the series: Finding Your People in a Digital World — A Practical Guide

About the Post & References

This post is for general educational purposes only and does not constitute psychological advice or therapy and is not intended to replace personalized care from a licensed mental health professional in Canada.

Hawkley, L. C., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2010). Loneliness matters: A theoretical and empirical review of consequences and mechanisms. Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 40(2), 218–227. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12160-010-9210-8

Kirwan, E.M., Burns, A., O’Súilleabháin, P.S. et al. Loneliness in Emerging Adulthood: A Scoping Review. Adolescent Res Rev 10, 47–67 (2025). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40894-024-00240-4

Novotney, A. (2020). The risks of social isolation. Monitor on Psychology, 50(5). https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/05/ce-corner-isolation

Cet article a été rédigé par Penelope Waller Ulmer, un·e thérapeute vérifié·e de notre réseau. Découvrez son expertise et son approche ci-dessous.

Penelope Waller Ulmer

Registered Psychologist (AB)Registered Psychologist (YK)MACP, BA

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