Therapy for inner child work
You may still feel a deep hurt inside: shrinking at criticism, craving approval, or believing you're unlovable. Small conflicts might feel overwhelming, or you may keep your walls so high that closeness feels unsafe. These reactions come from a younger part of you still carrying old pain. Inner child work helps you understand, comfort, and gently reparent that younger self so you can heal and feel more whole in adulthood.
Understanding inner child work
What is the inner child?
The inner child represents the emotional memories and unmet needs you carry from childhood. When early experiences involved hurt, neglect, or inconsistency, part of you can remain frozen in that stage which is why certain conflicts make you feel small or overly reactive. Book on attachment and childhood development shows that early caregiving shapes how you relate to others, manage emotions, and see yourself, and unresolved wounds often repeat themselves in adulthood.
Why inner child work matters
Inner child work goes beyond understanding your reactions and focuses on healing the emotional wounds beneath them. When you are triggered, you often respond from the age when the hurt first occurred rather than from your adult self. A mild frustration may activate the frightened child who lived with unpredictability, or a cancelled plan may echo old feelings of abandonment. It is believed that addressing these core wounds through therapeutic reparenting creates lasting change that surface-level strategies alone cannot.
Inner child–related childhood experience statistics
Emotional neglect, inconsistent caregiving, and unmet emotional needs are strongly linked to adult anxiety, depression, perfectionism, people-pleasing, relationship difficulties, and low self-worth — all core themes of inner child work.Canadian Longitudinal Study on Aging – ACE prevalence andQueen’s University – emotional abuse & neglect rates in Canada
Signs your inner child needs healing
Disproportionate emotional reactions
Small moments can trigger intense panic, anger, or despair because the reaction comes from your inner child, not your adult self. A tone shift, a minor rejection, or simple feedback can activate old wounds, making you feel young, unsafe, and overwhelmed even when the present situation is mild.
Persistent patterns despite understanding
You may fully understand that your partner is not abandoning you or that feedback is not catastrophic yet still feel overwhelmed. Logic does not change emotional memory. These patterns persist because your inner child is driving the reaction, and healing requires nurturing that younger part rather than relying only on cognitive strategies.
Difficulty with intimacy and trust
You may crave closeness but fear it at the same time, clinging or withdrawing whenever vulnerability appears. This comes from early experiences where connection felt unsafe or inconsistent, leaving your inner child convinced that trusting others leads to pain even if you consciously want healthy relationships.
Shame, worthlessness, or feeling fundamentally flawed
A deep belief that you are unlovable often traces back to childhood moments when you were blamed, dismissed, or treated as a burden. Children internalize everything, and that younger part of you may still carry the idea that something is wrong with you, creating adult shame that logic alone cannot undo.
Self-sabotage and recreating childhood dynamics
You may repeat painful relationship patterns or pull away when things go well because those dynamics feel familiar to your inner child. This is not self-punishment but an unconscious attempt to replay old wounds in hopes of finally resolving them, even though it often leads to more hurt.
Difficulty identifying or expressing needs
If you learned early that your needs were ignored or punished, you may disconnect from them as an adult and default to pleasing others. Asking for anything can feel wrong or unsafe because your inner child still believes that having needs puts love at risk.
How therapy heals the inner child
Reparenting yourself through therapeutic relationship
Inner child work helps you build a caring internal relationship with your younger self by offering the comfort, protection, and validation you once needed. Your therapist models consistent, attuned support so you can learn to provide it for yourself, replacing old patterns of criticism or fear with compassion, safety, and genuine acceptance.
The therapeutic process
Inner child work begins by noticing moments when you feel suddenly small, overwhelmed, or powerless and exploring what childhood memories these feelings echo. You identify what younger you needed but did not receive and the core beliefs that formed as a result. Through guided imagery, writing, or experiential exercises, you connect with and comfort younger parts of yourself. This process is not imagination but emotional reconsolidation. These techniques can reshape how painful memories are stored and reduce their impact.
Therapeutic approaches for inner child healing
Schema Therapy
Schema therapy heals childhood wounds through limited reparenting and developing a strong adult mode that can comfort younger parts. You identify child modes such as the vulnerable, angry, or abandoned child, and use imagery, chair work, and the therapeutic relationship to give these parts the care they originally needed.
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
IFS views the mind as made of parts, including young wounded parts carrying childhood pain. You strengthen your Self, the calm and compassionate core that can help these parts heal. By understanding their protective roles and building trust, IFS gently repairs childhood wounds and is highly effective for complex trauma.
Gestalt Therapy and Chair Work
Gestalt chair work creates a direct dialogue between your adult self and child self. By moving between chairs and voicing each part’s needs and fears, you bypass intellectual defences and access genuine emotion. This experiential approach often brings powerful insight and emotional release.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
EMDR helps reprocess traumatic childhood memories that keep your inner child stuck. With bilateral stimulation, you revisit painful moments while installing new compassionate perspectives, often imagining your adult self providing the protection and comfort that were missing at the time.
Attachment-Based Therapy
Attachment-based therapy heals inner child wounds through a consistent, attuned therapeutic relationship. As you experience reliability and emotional safety, your nervous system relearns that connection can be secure and your needs matter which is especially healing for abandonment and neglect histories.
Psychodynamic and Depth Psychology
Psychodynamic work explores how unconscious childhood experiences shape your current patterns. You examine old defences, understand how past feelings are projected onto present relationships, and process unresolved grief or anger. This deeper insight builds compassion for both your wounded child and the protective strategies you developed to survive.
The journey of inner child healing
Building safety and identifying wounds
Early sessions focus on creating safety, learning grounding skills, and noticing when your inner child is activated. You explore childhood experiences such as moments you felt unseen or unsafe and begin recognizing how those younger parts show up today in panic, shame, or feelings of being too much or not enough.
Connecting with your inner child
You begin visualizing and relating to younger versions of yourself, exploring what they needed and how they felt. Your therapist guides you in responding with compassion rather than criticism, offering messages such as “You deserved love” and “I am here now.” This strengthens a caring internal connection.
Processing childhood experiences
You work through painful memories by providing the comfort and protection that were missing at the time. Techniques like imagery rescripting help your adult self support your younger self during these moments, allowing grief and anger to be expressed safely and changing how the memories are held.
Reparenting and developing healthy adult responses
You practise soothing your inner child when triggered and making choices from your adult capacity rather than old wounds. With compassion and awareness, you interrupt patterns such as choosing unavailable partners or sabotaging progress and gradually build healthier responses.
Integration and ongoing relationship
Healing means forming a lasting, supportive relationship with your inner child. You check in regularly, honour their emotions, and make choices from adult wisdom rather than fear. Over time, emotional reactivity softens, relationships become more secure, and your inner child begins to believe they have always been worthy.
Find a therapist who specializes in inner child work
Choosing the right therapist matters. Each province in Canada has its own regulations, which is why working with a recognized professional can make a real difference in your care. Stellocare takes the uncertainty out of the process by listing only verified therapists you can trust.
The right therapist for you
No therapists found with these specialties in Ontario.
Try selecting a different province.Resources and practices for inner child healing
Canadian resources and support
Attachment and trauma-healing centre (Ontario)
Attachment and Trauma Treatment Centre for Healing (ATTCH Niagara)is a registered Canadian charity in St. Catharines, Ontario, offering trauma-specialised and attachment-focused treatment for individuals and families experiencing early relational wounds, attachment dysregulation and emotional-regulation challenges.
Daily practices for connecting with your inner child
Dialogue and letter writing
- Write to your inner child: Address a specific age when you were wounded. What does your adult self want them to know? What reassurance or validation can you offer?
- Let your inner child respond: Switch hands (use your non-dominant hand) and write back from your child self's perspective. This bypasses adult defences and accesses emotional truth.
- Daily check-ins: Ask your inner child: "How are you feeling today? What do you need from me?" Listen without judgment to whatever arises.
- Affirmations from adult to child: "You are safe now. You are loved. What happened wasn't your fault. You deserved better. I'm here, and I'm not leaving."
Visualization and imagery
- Meet your inner child: Close your eyes and imagine yourself at a specific childhood age. Where are they? What do they look like? How do they feel? Approach with kindness.
- Comfort a wounded moment: Recall a painful childhood experience. Imagine your adult self entering that scene to protect, comfort, and advocate for your child self.
- Create a safe space: Visualize a nurturing environment where your inner child feels completely safe. Visit this space regularly, especially when triggered.
- Reparenting visualization: Imagine giving your inner child what they needed: being held, heard, validated, protected, or simply told "You matter."
Working with photos and memories
- Childhood photos: Find pictures of yourself as a child, especially at ages when you were wounded. Look at that child with compassion. What do you see? What do they need to hear?
- Create a photo dialogue: Place a childhood photo somewhere visible. Talk to that child throughout the day: "Good morning. You're doing great. I'm proud of you."
- Memory exploration: Write about specific childhood memories without censoring. What did you feel? What did you need? What would you tell that child now?
- Reclaim positive memories: Remember moments of joy, play, or creativity. Your inner child isn't only wounded—they also hold capacity for joy and aliveness.
Playfulness and joy
- Engage in childhood activities: Draw, colour, play, dance, sing. Activities you loved as a child reconnect you with that part of yourself.
- Permission to play: Give your inner child explicit permission to have fun, be silly, or express freely without productive purpose.
- Notice joy and curiosity: When you experience spontaneous delight or wonder, recognize: "That's my inner child. They're alive and present."
- Scheduled play dates: Dedicate specific time to activities purely for your inner child's enjoyment, not achievement or productivity.
Responding when triggered
- Recognize activation: When emotions feel disproportionate, ask: "How old do I feel right now? What does this remind me of?"
- Ground in present safety: "I'm an adult now. I have resources. This situation isn't the same as what happened in childhood."
- Tend to your inner child: "I see you're scared/hurt/angry. That makes sense given what we experienced. But you're safe now. I've got us."
- Create space before reacting: When possible, take time to soothe your inner child before responding to the triggering situation from your adult self.
Common questions about inner child work
Isn't inner child work just dwelling in the past?
Inner child work is not dwelling but healing. Childhood wounds influence your reactions and relationships today, and exploring them helps stop old patterns from repeating. The goal is freedom from the past, not fixation on it.
Will inner child work make me blame my parents?
The focus is understanding, not blaming. You can acknowledge unmet needs while recognizing your parents’ limitations. Healing requires honesty about your experience, and many people develop more compassion for their parents as they heal.
What if I don't remember much from childhood?
You do not need detailed memories. Your current triggers, emotions, and relationship patterns reveal what your inner child carries. Healing can happen by working with these present-day reactions through imagery and felt sense.
Can I do inner child work on my own?
You can practise exercises like journaling and visualization alone, but deeper healing often needs therapeutic support. A therapist offers the safety and guidance needed to process overwhelming emotions without retraumatization.
What if connecting with my inner child is too painful?
Strong emotions are normal in this work. A therapist helps you move slowly, build regulation skills, and approach the pain at a manageable pace. Avoiding it often creates more suffering than facing it with support.
How is inner child work different from regular therapy?
Regular therapy often focuses on present thoughts and behaviours, while inner child work heals the childhood wounds beneath them. Many therapists combine both to address surface patterns and the deeper emotional roots driving them.
Will I always need to tend to my inner child?
The intensive work is temporary. As wounds heal, your inner child becomes integrated and more a source of authenticity than pain. You still offer self-compassion, but it becomes natural and far less demanding over time.
Related concerns
References
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books. Retrieved from https://www.increaseproject.eu/images/DOWNLOADS/IO2/HU/CURR_M4-A13_Bowlby_(EN-only)_20170920_HU_final.pdf
- Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. Sounds True.
- Lane, R. D., Ryan, L., Nadel, L., & Greenberg, L. (2015). Memory reconsolidation, emotional arousal, and the process of change in psychotherapy. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 38, e1. Retrieved from https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24827452/
- Internal Family Systems Institute. (2024). About IFS. Retrieved from https://ifs-institute.com/
- EMDR International Association. (2024). About EMDR Therapy. Retrieved from https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/
- International Society of Schema Therapy. (2024). Find a Therapist. Retrieved from https://schematherapysociety.org/
- Bradshaw, J. (1992). Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child. Bantam Books.
- Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. CreateSpace Independent Publishing.
- Earley, J. (2009). Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS. Pattern System Books.
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Alexia Carbone
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Hardeep Ajmani
Registered Social Worker (ON)
Ashley Neveu
Registered Psychotherapist (ON)
Sumudini Sathivadivel
Registered Social Worker (ON)
Jessica Sykes
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Juliet Seade
Registered Social Worker (AB)
Ekta Sehgal
Registered Psychotherapist (ON)
Amelie Rossignol
Counselling Therapist (AB)
Claudia Dargis
Registered Psychotherapist (ON)
Victoria Nyman
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Stacy Kirkbride
Registered Psychotherapist (ON)
Joseph Bottros
Registered Psychotherapist (ON)
Kellie Thomas
Registered Psychotherapist (ON)
Jessica DeMille
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Nicola Wolters
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Daniella Sanchez
Registered Social Worker (ON)
Jess McKenzie
Canadian Certified Counsellor
Amelia Henriquez
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Liv Noël Dakkak
Registered Social Worker (ON)
Esha Jain
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Alexia Carbone
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Hardeep Ajmani
Registered Social Worker (ON)
Ashley Neveu
Registered Psychotherapist (ON)
Sumudini Sathivadivel
Registered Social Worker (ON)
Jessica Sykes
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Juliet Seade
Registered Social Worker (AB)
Ekta Sehgal
Registered Psychotherapist (ON)
Amelie Rossignol
Counselling Therapist (AB)
Claudia Dargis
Registered Psychotherapist (ON)
Victoria Nyman
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Stacy Kirkbride
Registered Psychotherapist (ON)
Joseph Bottros
Registered Psychotherapist (ON)
Kellie Thomas
Registered Psychotherapist (ON)
Jessica DeMille
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Nicola Wolters
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Daniella Sanchez
Registered Social Worker (ON)
Jess McKenzie
Canadian Certified Counsellor
Amelia Henriquez
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)
Liv Noël Dakkak
Registered Social Worker (ON)
Esha Jain
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (ON)